Saturday 25 November 2017

Requiem of the Lost

Dear Teacher,

Where have you been lately? Why can't I find you these days? I miss you.

Do you know how much I yearn for your praises, Teacher? How I always wish in my little heart that you would look at me and tell me what a good job I did? Or even what a good kid I am? And even if I am not, how I wished you would tell me that everything is okay and I could still try again? Do you know I like presents? And that I do not like pain? I like hugs too. They are so warm and soft. I hug my pillow when I sleep because they keep the monsters away.

Can I ask something else too?

Teacher, why do you ask me to do so much? Do I get a present for everything I do? Do I even get a present at all for anything I do? Why do you scold me in front of everyone like my Mommy and Daddy? I don't like it. Everyone looks at me funny then. And they always say something behind me after that. My friends won't even talk to me because of it. I feel pain in me every time that happens. I can't touch the pain. I can't see it too. But I feel it inside me. 

Why are my grades important, Teacher? Must I be smart to be a good kid? I want that pencil too. Mine are all broken and short already. I never get new ones. Big Brother gives me his when Mommy and Daddy buys him new ones instead. Are black colour pencil and the pencil I use not the same colour? Why do my friends call me poor when I used my pencil to colour? Why do they laugh at me too? I don't like it when they do that.

Teacher, I want to play games with you. Why do you only let my friends play with you but not me? I can learn to play. 

Do I talk too much, Teacher? Everyone says I do. 

Why can't I cry? Or ask for anything? Why won't anyone praise me?

I'll be a good kid. I promise. I can be good too.

Can't I?

Mommy and Daddy don't like me. They said it would be better if I wasn't around. What do they mean by that, Teacher? Why don't they want me? Did I do something bad? Lately I have been drawing a lot. I draw myself hanging from the noose and everyone else are happy. Would that make Mommy and Daddy happy?

I don't want to wake up anymore, Teacher. My friends at school won't talk to me. Mommy and Daddy won't look at me. 

And I can't find you, Teacher.

Where are you, Teacher?